Youth Exclusion in Family Court

Q: You mentioned your family went through a difficult time with divorce and custody. What was the hardest part?

Sofia: The hardest part was feeling completely invisible. My parents were arguing over where I would live, what school I’d go to, and who got what holidays. The lawyers and the judge kept repeating that everything was being done "in my best interest," but I lowkey never got the chance to express my actual interests. I was 14 at the time, and old enough to have opinions, fears, and a very clear preference for stability. Still, my voice was filtered through lawyers who were primarily focused on winning for their clients, rather than listening to me. I just remember the entire experience sucked.

Q: Did you ever have a chance to speak to the judge, and what was that experience like?

Sofia: Yes, I had a super short, monitored session in the judge’s chambers. It wasn't a conversation, it was literally just an interrogation. They asked me specific, leading questions, and I was just so nervous that I found it difficult to articulate how I really felt. The entire court process felt rigid. And the legal documents, the actual decrees and motions, they were these huge, confusing official papers with words that no normal person uses. My parents, who are both smart, had to pay thousands of dollars just to have lawyers translate the law into regular words so we could even figure out what massive, life-altering decisions were being made about our family.

Q: What do you think the legislative system needs to change about family court?

Sofia: They need to pass laws that recognize youth over the age of 14, especially, as crucial, active participants, not just passive subjects or assets to be divided. We need people who are specifically trained in adolescent psychology and legal counsel to represent adolescents in court, so they can represent the teenager's actual needs and feelings, not just custody schedules. And critically, they need to simplify the language of the law. The legislature should require family law documents to use plain, accessible language that the people directly affected, the parents and the children, can understand without a $400-an-hour translator.

Sofia’s experience reveals a fundamental flaw in family law: even though decisions are made "in the best interest of the child," the child's voice is often excluded or minimized. The judicial process, with its rigid structure and complex language, treats young people as objects of a dispute, rather than as individuals with rights and preferences.